Escaping A Narcissistic Relationship

How to spot a narcissist

Often times narcissist will wear a beautiful mask so it’s hard to decipher who they really are. The last thing you want to do is get caught up in a narcissistic relationship, it can become mentally damaging. Here are some red flags on how to spot a narcissistic person.

• They will often play the victim when something has gone wrong. No matter what they will blame someone or something else for the situation. They do not own up to nor apologize for when they are wrong.

• They like being the center of attention, they will tend to talk about themselves a lot. They also like to talk down about others to lift themselves up, if it means throwing someone else under the bus to gain some spotlight, they will do it. Be careful who you trust with information.

• They lie and twist the truth. They want people to believe their version of a story and will usually create false statements or make things out to be way more dramatic than they really are. If they get caught in a lie they will either create more lies to back themselves up or turn the tables on you and make you out to be a bully.

• They put themselves before anyone else most of the time. All they care about is what they want and will do anything to get it even if it hurts other people. Consequences do not matter to a narcissist in the moment.

• If you try and cross them, you have become a target. Narcissistic people are not good at letting things go, if you try to stand up to them they will get defensive really quick. It’s very common for them to talk against you to other people and make you out to be a villain to make themselves feel better.

How to escape a narcissistic relationship

From personal experience, it’s not going to be easy. Unless they dismiss you from their life get ready for all hell to break lose before you are set free. When you reject a narcissist or call them out on their wrongs they are going to get extremely defensive and fight dirty. They are going to want everyone to know that you have hurt them so get ready for slander. They will say anything they can to try and turn the table on you and make the ending all your fault, but do you know what? It’s going to be ok.

I stayed in narcissistic relationships with people for years due to fear of how they would react. The longer you tolerate it, the longer you will live without peace. I advise trying to quietly and peacefully “fading” yourself out of the relationship. However, if it’s a romantic relationship, it’s going to be a lot harder to leave quietly.

In romantic situations the best thing to do is bite the bullet and cut it off cold turkey, run! Yes they are going to go crazy, they may try to turn your friends against you (but real friends will realize the truth), and they may even relentlessly try to contact you. Do not respond and do not let their tactics of retaliation get to you. Time will pass and eventually they will give up, but if you feed into them you are giving them exactly what they want, attention.

How to heal from a narcissistic relationship

• The best thing you can do is cut all ties with this person. Block their number, block them from all your social media accounts, eliminate all forms of contact with them.

• Don’t entertain the gossip. If you’ve made them mad people probably know about it by now. Do not bring this person up in conversation, and if they are spoken about to you avoid the topic. Don’t feel like you are being mean or rude if you clearly say “I’d rather not talk about them” and change the conversation. If someone is super nosey and persistent about the topic, leave the conversation immediately. Talking about it will only make things worse because words are easily twisted.

• Move on with your life with your head held high. Don’t worry about what other people are saying, I know it’s easier said than done, but over time this will pass if you don’t entertain it. They have already stolen enough of your peace, don’t let them have anymore.

The longer you stay in a toxic relationship with this type of person the more of a toll it can take on your mental state. It may take time to overcome some of the mental abuse (because in my opinion that’s what it is). I have heard that you can pick up traits from the people you are around the most. In order to recover from the mental toll this relationship has taken on you I high recommend practicing positive behaviors. Look for the good in all things, help people other than yourself, and aways try to be positive. It will take time, but time itself can heal you from any damage done by that person.


Make 2020 Your Best Year!

I’m sure many of you can agree that 2019 wasn’t the best year ever. I’ve been going over it in my mind and I want to share some ways we could all improve our lives and make 2020 the best year yet! Remember it’s never too late to make a change, this is your life and it’s time to take the reins!

Physical Health

Start by putting your health first. I highly recommend making a doctors appointment this January and see where you stand with your health. Get a physical and a biometric screening to see what changes you may need to take in your diet and exercise routine. I think getting a doctor’s opinion is super important because everyone’s body is not the same and some people need different health plans than others. If you feel good you’re going to have the energy to get stuff done and be much happier doing it.

Mental Health Care

Consider counseling. Mental health is so important and there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a councilor. If you have built up feelings or have experienced trauma it’s time to get it off your chest and seek answers on how to deal with things. Sometimes it takes a few times to find the right councilor for you, it took me three different people before I found the right one for me and it has been a life changer. Talking to someone in confidence feels like taking the weight off your shoulders.

Take Time For Yourself

Stop putting off the things you want to do! I know life gets hectic but it’s critical for you to take some time out of each week for yourself. If there’s a hobby you’re wanting to take up, finally do it! And stay consistent with it, pick a day out of each week to spend at least and hour on something you love doing. If there is somewhere you’ve been wanting to go, request time off at your work and go. We are never promised tomorrow and we only have one life on this earth so we need to enjoy it.

Learn Something New

I think it’s really important for us to grow as a person. Think of one thing you’ve always wanted to learn how to do, for me it’s speaking Spanish. Make this the year that you broaden your mind and learn something you’ve always wanted to be able to do. And don’t worry about what other people think about it, people always have opinions but guess what? It’s just opinions and it doesn’t matter. If you’re 50 years old and want to go back to school, do it! If you’re 35 and want to learn how to skateboard, do it! Nothing that you want to do is silly, no matter what your age is; if your heart wants it, do it.

Spend More Time In Nature

If you’re like our family we spend too much time in front of the television or on our phones. God gave us a huge world with so much to offer and it’s time we get outside and experience it! Go for more walks, go see new places, take leisurely drives down new roads you haven’t traveled. Not everyone can afford to travel but there is so much to see locally and you will be so surprised if you get out there and adventure it! This will also open up communication with whomever you’re with because you won’t be distracted by media and you will become closer.

Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can go way beyond your partner, it could be a friend, coworker, or even a family member. If there is someone in your life that is constantly making you feel bad about yourself it’s time to let them go. In some cases it can be hard because it’s people you have to be around (like a work) but you can distance yourself from them and not entertain their abuse. Deep down you know the people in your life who will always put themselves before you and those are not your people. Surround yourself in loving uplifting relationships. True friends want what’s best for you and help you during your hard times, not make it worse. You can still be kind and cordial but you do not have to take emotional and mental abuse from other people.

Your Job

If your job is sucking the life out of you, start preparing for new employment elsewhere. We spend most of our time at work so strive to work somewhere you can see yourself happy at. There are so many tips on Pinterest about preparing for a new job (resume help, questions employers might ask, what to wear at a interview, etcetera). However, (from personal experience) it may take time getting the job you want so do not quit your current job until you find another one, bills still have to get paid.

Bad Habits That Compromise Your Health

Most people have their hang ups that are super detrimental to your health, in my case it’s laziness and vaping. Consider letting go of something that is hurting your well being such as excess drinking, smoking, drugs, over eating, etcetera. All these things are only going to make you feel physically worse. Bad habits are hard to break but if you try to cut them down little by little it makes it a lot easier than quitting cold turkey. Find other things that are beneficial to your life to focus on and help take your mind off the bad habits.

There are also bad habits that can compromise you aside from substances- like my laziness. Maybe you have the same issue or you have problems with lying or talking bad about people. Try to catch and correct yourself when you find yourself heading down these paths. Embed it in your mind that this hang up is an issue and over time you’ll start catching yourself and doing these things less.

Don’t bring 2019’s negativity with you into this new year. This is your chance to start fresh and make changes, and you don’t have to wait- start today! What all do you wish to accomplish in 2020? I hope everyone has a phenomenal new year filled with positive changes and experiences.


Having A Dog Can Improve Your Depression & Anxiety!

Today I’m going to discuss one of my favorite things in the whole wide world, dogs! Also known as “man’s best friend” and for very good reason, I want to share with you how having a dog has dramatically helped my anxiety & depression.

(And don’t worry! If you’re not a fan of dogs other pets can bring you much joy and happiness too like cats, lizards, etcetera.)

I have raised my Harvey since he was 6 weeks old and I want to share with you what he has taught me about a dogs love.

1. Dogs love unconditionally. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how you look, your dog is going to love you for you no matter what.

2. It’s a celebration every time you come home, even if you were only gone 30 minutes. There is no feeling greater than a dog literally throwing a party because you simply walked through the door. They always let you know that you are loved, wanted, needed, and missed.

3. They are extremely forgiving. Have you ever gotten in an argument with a friend and not spoke again for a while? That’s not the case with a dog. Sometimes we come home ill and frustrated, and unfortunately sometimes we raise our voice. It hurts their feelings because dogs live to impress you, but they forgive you just as fast- just make sure you apologize. A dog will never abandon you, you are their whole world… that and food haha!

4. Dogs can sense sadness. My depression is BAD, when I’m having one of those days my dogs know; when I cry they either cuddle me or smother me with sweet puppy kisses.

5. They are protectors. When you raise a dog they form an unbreakable bond with you, you become part of their pack. If you live alone or are home alone a lot, dogs can give you a sense of security and calmness.

So how can a dog help your depression anxiety? Let’s recap!

• They will love you forever and ever. You become the most important person in their life, they literally live to be with you, therefore you are very much wanted and loved.

• No matter the situation they will never want to leave you. If you get fired from work, they’ll still love you! If you wake up with bed head and blemishes all over your face, they will still love you! If you’re having a bad day and your mood is sour, they will love you and most likely even try to comfort you.

• They can help you feel security if you have high anxiety. Whenever I’m alone I always know my Harvey is going to protect me. They are going to know someone’s at your house before the doorbell even rings; additionally their barking will warn people that “this is not the house you want to try and break into!”

So to sum everything up, do I believe dogs have the power to lift some of your depression and anxiety? Absolutely! I don’t know where I’d be without my babies, they are my best friends. I would love to hear stories in the comments about your dogs and how they have helped you.

FYI: Having a pet does take training especially for puppies but don’t give up on them, they’re worth it. Look at it this way, it keeps your mind occupied instead of dwelling on other things. If you’d be interested in a blog post on how to take care of a new puppy let me know! And feel free any time to reach out if you have questions.


When Your Spouse Has Depression

When a spouse has depression it can effect the whole family. I myself struggle with anxiety and depression and there have been times when my symptoms have impacted my marriage. Many times a struggling spouse doesn’t know how to express what they need, therefore the other person doesn’t know how to care for them. In this post I want to give my personal insight on how to care for your partner (Disclaimer: this is based off personal opinions and experience, I am not a doctor).

When your partner is struggling with depression they may show many signs and sometimes no sign at all. Here are some of the common things to look for when your spouse is hurting:

• anger/ short temper/ aggression

• frequent crying and sadness

• reclusive behavior- not leaving the house much and staying to themselves often

• weight loss due to nerves / weight gain due to using food as comfort

• confusion and excessive forgetfulness

• lack of intimacy and romance

• being clingy and needing a lot of your time and attention (I know it can be annoying but please don’t lash out at them, this is a big sign they really need you right now; Talk to them).

Aside from aggression I have experienced all of these symptoms at some point in my life. Now to the important part: What you can do to help ease their pain:

• Let them know you’re there for them and actually be there when you say you will.

• Show compassion, try putting yourself in their shoes. If they’re too paralyzed with depression to get the housework done don’t get angry with them, even offer to help out if you can.

• Be a good listener. Even if you don’t know the right things to say, just listening means the world to someone who’s mentally struggling. And please, if they start to open up pause the television- they need your upmost attention right now

• Ask questions- find out what’s making them feel this way. This is going to give you a better understanding of why they’re experiencing symptoms and how they are feeling internally. Mental illness causes all kinds of havoc in the body, from muscle aches to stomach pain and so much more.

• If they recluse themselves don’t try to force conversation out of them. Simply let them know you’re here for them, that you love them, and give them a little space if they need it. Let them know when they’re ready that you will be right there to listen.

• Go the extra mile- hold them for a little while. When I can’t pull myself together my husband holds me as I cry into his T-shirt; I feel the weight of the world melt off my shoulders. Let them know you love them.

Severe depression is nothing to take lightly. I have personally lost a friend and a family member to mental illness, my family almost lost me a few months ago. Here are 5 red flags that indicates it’s time to insure that they get professional help (no person handles things the same, there are defiantly more than 5 signs, however I’m covering the ones I personally know all too well).

1. Self Harm / Talking About Self Harming

2. Expressing signs of total despair, devastation, or trauma

3. Cutting ties with people, things, and hobbies that normally bring them happiness

4. Turning to bad habits that may be life/health threatening (drugs is a good example)

5. Participating in reckless activities because they no longer care about their life and what could happen to it

It is very important to keep in mind that not all people are going to have the same symptoms, some may show no signs at all. When you hear people quote about how “the happiest people being the saddest” it is normally true, they wear a mask and that’s the most dangerous thing of all. I really hope you will take this blog to heart and always remember to be kind, you don’t know what someone else is going through. I hope Iv shared good insight to those who love someone with mental illness, maybe this will help you see their situation in a different light. My last piece of advice: Sit down and have a loving conversation with your partner, let them know they are very loved, and ask them what you can do to help them.