How to spot a narcissist
Often times narcissist will wear a beautiful mask so it’s hard to decipher who they really are. The last thing you want to do is get caught up in a narcissistic relationship, it can become mentally damaging. Here are some red flags on how to spot a narcissistic person.
• They will often play the victim when something has gone wrong. No matter what they will blame someone or something else for the situation. They do not own up to nor apologize for when they are wrong.
• They like being the center of attention, they will tend to talk about themselves a lot. They also like to talk down about others to lift themselves up, if it means throwing someone else under the bus to gain some spotlight, they will do it. Be careful who you trust with information.
• They lie and twist the truth. They want people to believe their version of a story and will usually create false statements or make things out to be way more dramatic than they really are. If they get caught in a lie they will either create more lies to back themselves up or turn the tables on you and make you out to be a bully.
• They put themselves before anyone else most of the time. All they care about is what they want and will do anything to get it even if it hurts other people. Consequences do not matter to a narcissist in the moment.
• If you try and cross them, you have become a target. Narcissistic people are not good at letting things go, if you try to stand up to them they will get defensive really quick. It’s very common for them to talk against you to other people and make you out to be a villain to make themselves feel better.
How to escape a narcissistic relationship
From personal experience, it’s not going to be easy. Unless they dismiss you from their life get ready for all hell to break lose before you are set free. When you reject a narcissist or call them out on their wrongs they are going to get extremely defensive and fight dirty. They are going to want everyone to know that you have hurt them so get ready for slander. They will say anything they can to try and turn the table on you and make the ending all your fault, but do you know what? It’s going to be ok.
I stayed in narcissistic relationships with people for years due to fear of how they would react. The longer you tolerate it, the longer you will live without peace. I advise trying to quietly and peacefully “fading” yourself out of the relationship. However, if it’s a romantic relationship, it’s going to be a lot harder to leave quietly.
In romantic situations the best thing to do is bite the bullet and cut it off cold turkey, run! Yes they are going to go crazy, they may try to turn your friends against you (but real friends will realize the truth), and they may even relentlessly try to contact you. Do not respond and do not let their tactics of retaliation get to you. Time will pass and eventually they will give up, but if you feed into them you are giving them exactly what they want, attention.
How to heal from a narcissistic relationship
• The best thing you can do is cut all ties with this person. Block their number, block them from all your social media accounts, eliminate all forms of contact with them.
• Don’t entertain the gossip. If you’ve made them mad people probably know about it by now. Do not bring this person up in conversation, and if they are spoken about to you avoid the topic. Don’t feel like you are being mean or rude if you clearly say “I’d rather not talk about them” and change the conversation. If someone is super nosey and persistent about the topic, leave the conversation immediately. Talking about it will only make things worse because words are easily twisted.
• Move on with your life with your head held high. Don’t worry about what other people are saying, I know it’s easier said than done, but over time this will pass if you don’t entertain it. They have already stolen enough of your peace, don’t let them have anymore.
The longer you stay in a toxic relationship with this type of person the more of a toll it can take on your mental state. It may take time to overcome some of the mental abuse (because in my opinion that’s what it is). I have heard that you can pick up traits from the people you are around the most. In order to recover from the mental toll this relationship has taken on you I high recommend practicing positive behaviors. Look for the good in all things, help people other than yourself, and aways try to be positive. It will take time, but time itself can heal you from any damage done by that person.