Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s very easy to slip into the habit of picking out all the negatives and forgetting the positives. If you really dissect the situation you might be able to find something good or to be thankful for and draw your focus on that instead of the bad things surrounding it.
Disclaimer: I am only covering topics that I can speak on from a personal level. I can’t speak on things that I haven’t experienced because I don’t fully understand them. Some things that happen in this world are caused by pure sinful evilness and that is the only explanation I can give. However, I hope that the topics I cover can help someone. This is a very sensitive article so if you have PTSD (as do I) you might want to proceed with caution or skip this weeks post. The last thing I want to do is hurt or anger anyone.
I’m a firm believer that ALMOST everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand why at the time. I want to cover some of the most common topics where people need to see a flicker of light in the darkness.
Being betrayed by the one you love
Even though your heart is broken you are being set free by that person revealing to you their true self. Many people want to blame themselves for someone else hurting them but in all reality they had a choice to handle things in a more respectable manner. This is not something you did, they did this to you instead of being upfront with you about their feelings. This is your opportunity to be set free and you are now able to find the right person for you, because the right person wouldn’t hurt you intentionally. Yes, it’s going to hurt and it will take time, but in time you will find pieces of yourself you lost in that relationship. It isn’t all about finding someone to love you, you have to love yourself first, then someone who loves you for who you are will show up and change everything.
An imperfect marriage
No marriage is perfect because we are all imperfect people. Instead of focusing on your spouses flaws I encourage you to think about all the things they do right. Start complimenting them on the things they do right. Once you realize the good traits and start speaking on it you will start noticing it a lot more often. Another good idea is to sit down with your spouse and discuss each other’s top two love languages (acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time). Once you learn what makes each other feel most loved, start putting it into practice and watch your marriage flourish!
Hating your job/ losing your job
If you hate your job look at it this way, this isn’t the job for you but it’s getting your bills paid until you find the career best suited for you. Be thankful, even though this is a temporary chapter, it’s suppling you with money to keep a roof over your head. You are not bound to a job for life, it’s up to you to work towards what you want. Let this current job serve you until you get to where you want to be
If you have lost your job, I know it’s a hard hit. I lost my job of nine years back in 2018 and I was completely devastated. It may take some time but you will find another job, even if it’s just a temporary job until you find the job you want (I had to do that myself). My best advice is start putting in applications everywhere and take a job to bring in some income; while you’re there keep looking for something better. The sooner you start the better. Life is not over, you will find a better career. It’s been two years since I lost my job and looking back I have met so many new friends, learned new skills, and became so much more thankful for what I have (because I have took a huge pay cut). You can also take this time to learn how to live more frugally, learn to save money, coupon, sell items that no longer serve you, and more! You will look back on this time one day and realize it was a learning experience and a new chapter beginning in your life.
If you’ve been violated by someone
This is one I don’t mind speaking my mind on because Iv been there. I’ll say it again, this is not something you did, this was something someone else did to you. You had no control over it but you have the choice on how you are going to deal with it. Do not let this dictate the rest of your life, let it make you stronger. Looking back at the years after my experience I have found myself transformed into a stronger, more aware, and compassionate person. Does that mean what happened is ok? Absolutely not, but it can not be changed, so take it and use it as a tool to help other people like us. They took something from you but they didn’t take your life away from you so do not stop living it- that’s only giving them more power over you.
The loss of a loved one
This is a very hard subject, how could there be any silver lining to death? Memories. You were blessed enough to have that person in your life and given such special memories you wouldn’t trade for anything. Death is a part of life, we are all going to die one day, but up until that point it’s a gift. Iv never heard anyone say that they’d rather have not known the person they lost at all if they knew they were going to die too soon. The times you had with that person were so special and they wouldn’t want you to be tormented over their loss, they’d want you to think about the good times and smile when they come across your mind. It’s another one of those situations where it’s going to hurt really bad, and it’s going to take a lot of time, but for a time that person was a blessing in your life.
I know some women who want a baby so badly but are not able to have one. Adoption agencies are an option but it is very expensive. If you can’t afford it (I have personally looked into it and I know we couldn’t) try looking into local “mothers to be” who can’t provide for their baby and want to find it good a good home. Potential options could be a girl who feels they are too young, a woman who has a drug problem, or even just a local who doesn’t want to be a parent and doesn’t believe in abortion. Surrogate mothers are also an option. Becoming a foster parent is also a wonderful option and will give you the opportunity to help many children if adoption is not financially possible at the time. And lastly (the route I personally chose) you could always become a fur parent. I have two dogs that I love with my whole heart, they are my children, my whole world. I know many women want a baby of their own, but if it’s not physically possible explore your options! Being a mom is possible, maybe just in a different way.
Having an illness
Whether it’s physical or mental, there are still positives- you are still here! Life may be more complicated but there is still so much to be thankful for and things that you can enjoy in your life. I use to feel sorry for myself all the time and it only made life worse, but then I learned how to turn it around and thankfully enjoy what I do have. Every second you are here on this earth is a gift, cherish the people around you, enjoy the little things, and think about what all you can still do even though you are ill. You’re still here, don’t take one second for granted. For me, using my illness to help others brings my life more fulfillment than words can express. Find people like you, help them along this journey, and in helping them you are also helping yourself.
I never think it’s right to discard your own problems because other people have it worse, your issues are still valid, but it is good to keep in mind that things could be worse. Even if you are in the darkest of places, remember the good that you still have in your life. If you have a job, if you have friends/family, if you have good memories, if you’re able to do something you enjoy (even if it’s little), you are so blessed. We are not promised things in life, but if you have something that makes you feel happiness cherish it with everything you have. When you start to look at things with a positive mindset your life becomes happier. You can drown yourself in negativity and sadness, or you can try to see the silver lining and flourish. Once you’ve practiced this state of mind long enough it will become a habit and you will live a happier life.