mental wellness

Trying To Work When You’re Mentally Ill

Finding a job is hard, but finding a job when you’re mentally ill is even harder. When you go in for an interview the last thing you want to tell your potential employer is that you have a mental illness. If an employer has two people applying for the same position do you think they’d choose the person who suffers from mental issues or someone who is mentally stable? Due to the stigma around mental illnesses, the fear of being rejected makes most people unable to talk openly about their diagnosis. When going into an interview you may be filled with anxiety and come across as inadequate to the interviewer. Because of this, many highly qualified people don’t get the chance at a job they want or get so scared that they won’t even try for it at all. Mentally ill or not, the bills still come every month and we have to find a way to take care of ourselves if we do not qualify for financial help.

In a sense people like us “wear a mask” to work, this doesn’t mean that we are lying. You can show that you are qualified through your work ethics, but you do have to try and hold your composure during tuff times, especially if you work with the public.

Before your interview it’s a good idea to partake in some confidence building tactics like self affirmations, TED talks, Pinterest and Youtube advice, etcetera. Try to calm your nerves with an at home remedy like lavender oil, CBD oil (ask your doctor before taking this product and buy from a pharmacy for your own safety), or anxiety medication if you have a prescription. Go in with your head held high and know that your mental illness does not define you and that you are worthy of this job.

Speaking from my own experience I do think that it is important to eventually let your employer know that you are mentally ill, just not right off the bat, show them your worth first. The reason I find it important is because if you’re anything like me, eventually something or someone is going to trigger you and you may break down. If your manager is aware of the situation then they will be prepared, have understanding, and be able to intervene (if they are a good manager).

Being mentally ill does not mean you can’t be an excellent employee, it just means you may have a harder time some days. If you happen to be a manager reading this article, I encourage you to educate yourself on people with mental illnesses, don’t shut the door on them before they have a chance to show you what they are capable of. People with depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder could become some of your most compassionate workers. Those who suffer from OCD could turn out to be the most organized and brilliant people on your team. Illnesses are a hard thing to deal with, but in some cases there is a silver lining that shines so brightly that it will make the set backs worth your time and patience. Give us a chance.

At some point in your work journey you are more than likely going to hit a very low point. It may be due to being burned out on the job, or in extreme cases it could be due to a loss (divorce, death, issues with your children, etcetera). During times like this I find it very important to have a one on one with your manager and be honest about your feelings. You may need to take a little time off to go see your doctor or get counseling. If you have proven that you are a valuable worker and you have a good manager this shouldn’t be an issue. However, if you have a manager that is not understanding, you have to do what’s right for you. Your health has to come first, it’s like the phrase I’v mentioned before “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.

If you end up losing your job due to your mental health, see your psychiatrist/doctor, get therapy, and do what you have to do to get back up and get back in the work force. Just because you stumble doesn’t mean it’s all over for you. You are important, you have a lot to offer, and you are worth fighting for yourself!

If you are someone who is completely unable to work due to your mental illness this does not mean you are any less valuable. You may be a phenomenal stay at home parent, house wife/husband, caretaker of your elderly parents, and more. And even if you are not married, don’t have kids, or close relatives you still have so much to offer the world.

I’m at the point where I am only able to work part time but does that make me less valuable? No, because I’ve found my purpose in blogging- just like you will find your purpose in whatever passion God has given you. It’s okay not to be ok! If your mental health has disabled you from working completely, there is no shame in reaching out for financial help. Mental illness is an illness, just because other people can’t physically see your sickness doesn’t mean that it’s not real. If you need help don’t be ashamed to apply for it.

I hope this post encourages you to see your self worth and go for the job you want. I also hope that it shines a lot on the stigma against mental illness. Again, I highly recommend employers to seek education on mental health, a person suffering with a mental illness can still be a valuable coworker, we just need a chance.


The Perfect Spa Day At Home From Head To Toe

It’s very important to take some time out of each week for yourself. If you’re ever feeling down or overwhelmed a spa day at home is the perfect remedy. It costs less, you don’t have the stress of going out in public, and it’s a way to show yourself care and love. I’m going to walk you through my perfect home spa day routine from head to toe. Put on some soothing music, grab a delicious drink, and enjoy!

Dry brushing

Many people don’t know about dry brushing (I found my dry brush at Ulta). This is something you are going to want to do before your bath, the skin must be dry. Start from the bottom of your legs and work your way up using upward strides multiple times. This is going to help exfoliant dead skin cells, relieve stress, unclog pores, and even fight against cellulite.

Run a warm bath with beneficial additives

There is nothing like soaking in a nice warm bath, accompanied by a ice cold drink and some relaxing music. Adding about two cups of epsom salt to your bath water is going to help ease your tensed up muscles; it is also known to draw toxins out of the body. Mix in around a half cup of baking soda, this is going to to provide skin softening, anti-fungal properties to your water. Lastly I like to add in a generous amount of essential oils to the water for aromatherapy. If you are looking for a stress relieving experience I recommend lavender oil. If you have headaches or aches in general I use peppermint oil, but go easy because too much of this oil can be irritating. If you’ve been fighting a cold add eucalyptus oil to your bath, it will help ease a sniffy nose.

Make sure you drink plenty of water during and after your detoxifying bath routine, the combination of salts and baking soda can make you sweat a lot.

Hair Care

Start by cleansing your hair with a good moisturizing shampoo, massaging your scalp with your fingertips (not your nails), and rinse with warm water to keep the hair cuticle open. Follow by lathering your hair generously with a nice hair mask or deep conditioner, I like to let mine sit while I continue the rest of my bathing routine. This time rinse your hair in cool water to close up the cuticle and lock in all the moisture from the hair mask.

Face Time

Gently cleanse your face with your favorite cleanser by using soft circular upward motions with your fingertips. Once you rinse your skin apply a light facial scrub using the same soft motions (do not use exfoliants that have a very abrasive grit, this could cause micro tears in the skin). Rinse your face and gently pat it dry, then generously apply your favorite face mask that complies with your skin type. If you have oily, breakout prone skin try using a charcoal mask; for dry skin use something moisturizing like an avocado mask.

The Body

Start off by cleansing your body with your favorite soap or body wash, I like to use wash clothes because over time loofahs can build up bacteria. After bathing, exfoliate your body with a gentle exfoliant to get rid of build up and dead skin cells, I recommend doing this once or twice a week. On the days I exfoliate I like that to be the day I shave, I feel that you get a cleaner shave and the blades can also work as an extra exfoliant getting rid of any dead skin cells left behind. Many people choose to use shaving cream which is absolutely fine but I prefer using conditioner to rehydrate the skin. If you are a fan of Lush they offer many scents of “in shower” body conditioner which is also a nice treat to top everything off at the end.

Foot Care

It’s very important to take care of your feet, especially if you’re on them all day at work. Give yourself a luxury foot massage with a hydrating exfoliant. About two to three times a month I feel that it is a good idea to go over your heals and anywhere on your feet that you develop calluses with a pumas stone (I buy the purple one they sell at Sally’s). Just be careful not to pumas your feet too much because it will leave them extremely sore.

After Bath Routine

After you get out of the bath and pat off dry there are a few little extras you can add on to make this experience extra special. The skin on your face is so fragile so it’s very important to use a toner, eye cream, and moisturizer. Don’t forget to moisturize your neck, the skin is fragile in that area and is very wrinkle prone. Spritz a leave-in conditioner in your hair to keep it protected from heat and nicely hydrated (Pravana Nevo Intense leave-in conditioner is my all time favorite). If you choose to polish you toenails let them completely dry, then lather your feet up with a rich body butter and put on some cozy socks to lock it in.

Caring for your nails

Finger and toe nails because they can be one of the dirtiest parts of your body. I like to keep my nails clipped short and filed smooth to avoid capturing bacteria and grime. If you love a pop of color push back those cuticles and glaze a beautiful shade overtop, followed by a top coat to prolong the wear. I prefer a gel polish because it lasts a lot longer than regular nail polish. After drying, hydrate your cuticle line with a nourishing cuticle oil to avoid pesky hangnails (I recommend polishing your nails after your bath to prevent chipping)

I hope you enjoyed my version of a perfect spa day at home. Self care is very important when it comes to your mental state, it’s a way to show yourself that you love yourself. I would love to hear in the comment section how you enjoy a home spa day! What’s some of your favorite tips and tricks?


Escaping A Narcissistic Relationship

How to spot a narcissist

Often times narcissist will wear a beautiful mask so it’s hard to decipher who they really are. The last thing you want to do is get caught up in a narcissistic relationship, it can become mentally damaging. Here are some red flags on how to spot a narcissistic person.

• They will often play the victim when something has gone wrong. No matter what they will blame someone or something else for the situation. They do not own up to nor apologize for when they are wrong.

• They like being the center of attention, they will tend to talk about themselves a lot. They also like to talk down about others to lift themselves up, if it means throwing someone else under the bus to gain some spotlight, they will do it. Be careful who you trust with information.

• They lie and twist the truth. They want people to believe their version of a story and will usually create false statements or make things out to be way more dramatic than they really are. If they get caught in a lie they will either create more lies to back themselves up or turn the tables on you and make you out to be a bully.

• They put themselves before anyone else most of the time. All they care about is what they want and will do anything to get it even if it hurts other people. Consequences do not matter to a narcissist in the moment.

• If you try and cross them, you have become a target. Narcissistic people are not good at letting things go, if you try to stand up to them they will get defensive really quick. It’s very common for them to talk against you to other people and make you out to be a villain to make themselves feel better.

How to escape a narcissistic relationship

From personal experience, it’s not going to be easy. Unless they dismiss you from their life get ready for all hell to break lose before you are set free. When you reject a narcissist or call them out on their wrongs they are going to get extremely defensive and fight dirty. They are going to want everyone to know that you have hurt them so get ready for slander. They will say anything they can to try and turn the table on you and make the ending all your fault, but do you know what? It’s going to be ok.

I stayed in narcissistic relationships with people for years due to fear of how they would react. The longer you tolerate it, the longer you will live without peace. I advise trying to quietly and peacefully “fading” yourself out of the relationship. However, if it’s a romantic relationship, it’s going to be a lot harder to leave quietly.

In romantic situations the best thing to do is bite the bullet and cut it off cold turkey, run! Yes they are going to go crazy, they may try to turn your friends against you (but real friends will realize the truth), and they may even relentlessly try to contact you. Do not respond and do not let their tactics of retaliation get to you. Time will pass and eventually they will give up, but if you feed into them you are giving them exactly what they want, attention.

How to heal from a narcissistic relationship

• The best thing you can do is cut all ties with this person. Block their number, block them from all your social media accounts, eliminate all forms of contact with them.

• Don’t entertain the gossip. If you’ve made them mad people probably know about it by now. Do not bring this person up in conversation, and if they are spoken about to you avoid the topic. Don’t feel like you are being mean or rude if you clearly say “I’d rather not talk about them” and change the conversation. If someone is super nosey and persistent about the topic, leave the conversation immediately. Talking about it will only make things worse because words are easily twisted.

• Move on with your life with your head held high. Don’t worry about what other people are saying, I know it’s easier said than done, but over time this will pass if you don’t entertain it. They have already stolen enough of your peace, don’t let them have anymore.

The longer you stay in a toxic relationship with this type of person the more of a toll it can take on your mental state. It may take time to overcome some of the mental abuse (because in my opinion that’s what it is). I have heard that you can pick up traits from the people you are around the most. In order to recover from the mental toll this relationship has taken on you I high recommend practicing positive behaviors. Look for the good in all things, help people other than yourself, and aways try to be positive. It will take time, but time itself can heal you from any damage done by that person.


Make 2020 Your Best Year!

I’m sure many of you can agree that 2019 wasn’t the best year ever. I’ve been going over it in my mind and I want to share some ways we could all improve our lives and make 2020 the best year yet! Remember it’s never too late to make a change, this is your life and it’s time to take the reins!

Physical Health

Start by putting your health first. I highly recommend making a doctors appointment this January and see where you stand with your health. Get a physical and a biometric screening to see what changes you may need to take in your diet and exercise routine. I think getting a doctor’s opinion is super important because everyone’s body is not the same and some people need different health plans than others. If you feel good you’re going to have the energy to get stuff done and be much happier doing it.

Mental Health Care

Consider counseling. Mental health is so important and there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a councilor. If you have built up feelings or have experienced trauma it’s time to get it off your chest and seek answers on how to deal with things. Sometimes it takes a few times to find the right councilor for you, it took me three different people before I found the right one for me and it has been a life changer. Talking to someone in confidence feels like taking the weight off your shoulders.

Take Time For Yourself

Stop putting off the things you want to do! I know life gets hectic but it’s critical for you to take some time out of each week for yourself. If there’s a hobby you’re wanting to take up, finally do it! And stay consistent with it, pick a day out of each week to spend at least and hour on something you love doing. If there is somewhere you’ve been wanting to go, request time off at your work and go. We are never promised tomorrow and we only have one life on this earth so we need to enjoy it.

Learn Something New

I think it’s really important for us to grow as a person. Think of one thing you’ve always wanted to learn how to do, for me it’s speaking Spanish. Make this the year that you broaden your mind and learn something you’ve always wanted to be able to do. And don’t worry about what other people think about it, people always have opinions but guess what? It’s just opinions and it doesn’t matter. If you’re 50 years old and want to go back to school, do it! If you’re 35 and want to learn how to skateboard, do it! Nothing that you want to do is silly, no matter what your age is; if your heart wants it, do it.

Spend More Time In Nature

If you’re like our family we spend too much time in front of the television or on our phones. God gave us a huge world with so much to offer and it’s time we get outside and experience it! Go for more walks, go see new places, take leisurely drives down new roads you haven’t traveled. Not everyone can afford to travel but there is so much to see locally and you will be so surprised if you get out there and adventure it! This will also open up communication with whomever you’re with because you won’t be distracted by media and you will become closer.

Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can go way beyond your partner, it could be a friend, coworker, or even a family member. If there is someone in your life that is constantly making you feel bad about yourself it’s time to let them go. In some cases it can be hard because it’s people you have to be around (like a work) but you can distance yourself from them and not entertain their abuse. Deep down you know the people in your life who will always put themselves before you and those are not your people. Surround yourself in loving uplifting relationships. True friends want what’s best for you and help you during your hard times, not make it worse. You can still be kind and cordial but you do not have to take emotional and mental abuse from other people.

Your Job

If your job is sucking the life out of you, start preparing for new employment elsewhere. We spend most of our time at work so strive to work somewhere you can see yourself happy at. There are so many tips on Pinterest about preparing for a new job (resume help, questions employers might ask, what to wear at a interview, etcetera). However, (from personal experience) it may take time getting the job you want so do not quit your current job until you find another one, bills still have to get paid.

Bad Habits That Compromise Your Health

Most people have their hang ups that are super detrimental to your health, in my case it’s laziness and vaping. Consider letting go of something that is hurting your well being such as excess drinking, smoking, drugs, over eating, etcetera. All these things are only going to make you feel physically worse. Bad habits are hard to break but if you try to cut them down little by little it makes it a lot easier than quitting cold turkey. Find other things that are beneficial to your life to focus on and help take your mind off the bad habits.

There are also bad habits that can compromise you aside from substances- like my laziness. Maybe you have the same issue or you have problems with lying or talking bad about people. Try to catch and correct yourself when you find yourself heading down these paths. Embed it in your mind that this hang up is an issue and over time you’ll start catching yourself and doing these things less.

Don’t bring 2019’s negativity with you into this new year. This is your chance to start fresh and make changes, and you don’t have to wait- start today! What all do you wish to accomplish in 2020? I hope everyone has a phenomenal new year filled with positive changes and experiences.


Having A Dog Can Improve Your Depression & Anxiety!

Today I’m going to discuss one of my favorite things in the whole wide world, dogs! Also known as “man’s best friend” and for very good reason, I want to share with you how having a dog has dramatically helped my anxiety & depression.

(And don’t worry! If you’re not a fan of dogs other pets can bring you much joy and happiness too like cats, lizards, etcetera.)

I have raised my Harvey since he was 6 weeks old and I want to share with you what he has taught me about a dogs love.

1. Dogs love unconditionally. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how you look, your dog is going to love you for you no matter what.

2. It’s a celebration every time you come home, even if you were only gone 30 minutes. There is no feeling greater than a dog literally throwing a party because you simply walked through the door. They always let you know that you are loved, wanted, needed, and missed.

3. They are extremely forgiving. Have you ever gotten in an argument with a friend and not spoke again for a while? That’s not the case with a dog. Sometimes we come home ill and frustrated, and unfortunately sometimes we raise our voice. It hurts their feelings because dogs live to impress you, but they forgive you just as fast- just make sure you apologize. A dog will never abandon you, you are their whole world… that and food haha!

4. Dogs can sense sadness. My depression is BAD, when I’m having one of those days my dogs know; when I cry they either cuddle me or smother me with sweet puppy kisses.

5. They are protectors. When you raise a dog they form an unbreakable bond with you, you become part of their pack. If you live alone or are home alone a lot, dogs can give you a sense of security and calmness.

So how can a dog help your depression anxiety? Let’s recap!

• They will love you forever and ever. You become the most important person in their life, they literally live to be with you, therefore you are very much wanted and loved.

• No matter the situation they will never want to leave you. If you get fired from work, they’ll still love you! If you wake up with bed head and blemishes all over your face, they will still love you! If you’re having a bad day and your mood is sour, they will love you and most likely even try to comfort you.

• They can help you feel security if you have high anxiety. Whenever I’m alone I always know my Harvey is going to protect me. They are going to know someone’s at your house before the doorbell even rings; additionally their barking will warn people that “this is not the house you want to try and break into!”

So to sum everything up, do I believe dogs have the power to lift some of your depression and anxiety? Absolutely! I don’t know where I’d be without my babies, they are my best friends. I would love to hear stories in the comments about your dogs and how they have helped you.

FYI: Having a pet does take training especially for puppies but don’t give up on them, they’re worth it. Look at it this way, it keeps your mind occupied instead of dwelling on other things. If you’d be interested in a blog post on how to take care of a new puppy let me know! And feel free any time to reach out if you have questions.


Steps To Finding Yourself

Have you ever sat there and wondered “who am I and what am i doing with my life”? If you have you are not alone. There comes a time in everyone’s life where they become unsure about their choices and desires in life. I also hit that point a year ago when I made a huge career change at age 30. I had no experience in anything but hairdressing. I was terrified and honestly… im still very nervous if I’m making the right choices. In this blog post I want to help you reveal to yourself where you are in life right now, where you want to be, and what you could do to make the changes.

Finding out all the sources that potentially trigger your mental health is vital. These are the things that constantly bring you down, make you nervous, bring you sadness, and even anger. It’s best to either distance yourself from these factors or learn better ways to deal with them if you can’t eliminate them.

I’m all about making list, I feel like it helps you see the whole picture when things are written down. I advise you to sit down and write out the things that are complicating your life, cross off the ones you can completely let go of, and write out different solutions for the ones you can’t. Here are some examples of things that might be negatively effecting you:

• Hating your job. Being somewhere that makes you miserable is not worth the money, trust me. You’re going to be spending more time with these people than your own family so make sure you find a job that brings you joy. Sometimes having to cut back financially is worth it, I will write a separate post on this topic in the future.

• Being in a toxic relationship. Whether it’s with a partner, family member, or friend, this is one factor that you need to cut ties with. Have you ever heard the phrase that you become like the people whom you’re around the most? If you’re surrounded by negative people, that’s all that is going to come from that relationship- negativity. Sometimes people can change, and I highly believe in forgiving people, but that doesn’t mean you have to be around them if they bring you down.

• Cluttered or stressful surroundings. If you are in an environment that stresses you out then it’s time to make some changes. Start by decluttering your home, clutter can trigger stress dramatically. Also make sure that any media watched or listened to in your home is positive and uplifting. “If you take in good, you radiate good.”

What are the things that make you feel alive? What are the good things that you think about often? Especially the ones you think about right when you wake up or go to sleep. These are your passions, the things you really love.

Sit down and make a list of all the things that make you happy and things you want out of life- big or small. Here are a few inspirational examples:

• Family & friends- these are the people you need to surround yourself with. The people in your life who lift you up are the ones who really love you, make time for these people.

• Your dream job (dreams can become reality if you work hard enough!).

• Your hobbies. It’s important to make time for yourself and do things that you enjoy. Hobbies can inspire and motivate you which will make you a more joyful person.

• Your Faith. Not all people are religious (and I totally respect that) but if you are, never forget to put God first. He loves you more than anyone and he knows the desires of your heart. Spend time in prayer, this will result in thankfulness.

• Your health. Making your health a priority is so important because every single thing you put in your body affects it. If you are eating poorly and not exercising it has the potential to throw your whole system out of whack and leave you feeling horrible. Having a clean diet and exercising will make a huge difference in your quality of life.

Your list contains the people you should surround yourself with and the things you should strive to accomplish. No dream is too big nor too small! what are your goals and dreams? Who do you aspire to be? It is hidden within you and you can make anything possible if you’re willing to put in the work.

Disclaimer: I do not work in the medical field. My blog is all strictly my opinion and is based off my own struggles with mental illness; my posts are personal suggestions that i use for a happier life.


When Your Spouse Has Depression

When a spouse has depression it can effect the whole family. I myself struggle with anxiety and depression and there have been times when my symptoms have impacted my marriage. Many times a struggling spouse doesn’t know how to express what they need, therefore the other person doesn’t know how to care for them. In this post I want to give my personal insight on how to care for your partner (Disclaimer: this is based off personal opinions and experience, I am not a doctor).

When your partner is struggling with depression they may show many signs and sometimes no sign at all. Here are some of the common things to look for when your spouse is hurting:

• anger/ short temper/ aggression

• frequent crying and sadness

• reclusive behavior- not leaving the house much and staying to themselves often

• weight loss due to nerves / weight gain due to using food as comfort

• confusion and excessive forgetfulness

• lack of intimacy and romance

• being clingy and needing a lot of your time and attention (I know it can be annoying but please don’t lash out at them, this is a big sign they really need you right now; Talk to them).

Aside from aggression I have experienced all of these symptoms at some point in my life. Now to the important part: What you can do to help ease their pain:

• Let them know you’re there for them and actually be there when you say you will.

• Show compassion, try putting yourself in their shoes. If they’re too paralyzed with depression to get the housework done don’t get angry with them, even offer to help out if you can.

• Be a good listener. Even if you don’t know the right things to say, just listening means the world to someone who’s mentally struggling. And please, if they start to open up pause the television- they need your upmost attention right now

• Ask questions- find out what’s making them feel this way. This is going to give you a better understanding of why they’re experiencing symptoms and how they are feeling internally. Mental illness causes all kinds of havoc in the body, from muscle aches to stomach pain and so much more.

• If they recluse themselves don’t try to force conversation out of them. Simply let them know you’re here for them, that you love them, and give them a little space if they need it. Let them know when they’re ready that you will be right there to listen.

• Go the extra mile- hold them for a little while. When I can’t pull myself together my husband holds me as I cry into his T-shirt; I feel the weight of the world melt off my shoulders. Let them know you love them.

Severe depression is nothing to take lightly. I have personally lost a friend and a family member to mental illness, my family almost lost me a few months ago. Here are 5 red flags that indicates it’s time to insure that they get professional help (no person handles things the same, there are defiantly more than 5 signs, however I’m covering the ones I personally know all too well).

1. Self Harm / Talking About Self Harming

2. Expressing signs of total despair, devastation, or trauma

3. Cutting ties with people, things, and hobbies that normally bring them happiness

4. Turning to bad habits that may be life/health threatening (drugs is a good example)

5. Participating in reckless activities because they no longer care about their life and what could happen to it

It is very important to keep in mind that not all people are going to have the same symptoms, some may show no signs at all. When you hear people quote about how “the happiest people being the saddest” it is normally true, they wear a mask and that’s the most dangerous thing of all. I really hope you will take this blog to heart and always remember to be kind, you don’t know what someone else is going through. I hope Iv shared good insight to those who love someone with mental illness, maybe this will help you see their situation in a different light. My last piece of advice: Sit down and have a loving conversation with your partner, let them know they are very loved, and ask them what you can do to help them.